Someone makes a rude comment.
You notice it. You do not like it. But it seems too small to make a big issue out of, so you leave it.
Then it happens again.
This is where being assertive matters.
You do not have to start an argument every time somebody annoys you. But if somebody says something disrespectful, you are allowed to deal with it there and then.
“That was rude.”
Or simply:
“Don’t speak to me like that.”
Then stop talking.
You do not need to spend ten minutes explaining why you found it offensive. The more you explain, the more room you sometimes give people to argue with you about whether you were entitled to be offended in the first place.
You were there. You heard it. You know how it was said.
The bigger problem comes when you keep letting things go because each incident seems too small on its own.
One comment becomes the way they talk to you. The joke at your expense becomes normal. Before long, you are angry about things you have been swallowing for months.
And then somebody says, “Why are you suddenly making such a big deal out of this?”
You are not.
It just was not dealt with when it was small.
If you have already told somebody not to speak to you that way and they do it again, you do not need to have the same conversation from the beginning.
“I’ve already spoken to you about this.”
After that, you may need to change how much access that person gets to you. End the conversation. Leave. See them less if that is an option.
Family does not get a free pass either.
Being your sister, aunt, husband, mother-in-law or cousin does not make disrespect less disrespectful.
Habibti xx Reads the Room.
One ant at the picnic looks harmless.
Ignore enough of them and suddenly they are carrying off the sandwich.
That is the point.
Do not wait until you are furious about something you could have dealt with the first time.